Say something about gay babies.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
