I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
