Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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