K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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