You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
