I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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