Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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