If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
