Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
