I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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