I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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