how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
