I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
