Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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