I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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