i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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