This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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