just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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