Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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