The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
