I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
