I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
