Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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