Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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