Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
