Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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