Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
false alarm, still single
Randomize
