I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
