I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
