dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
