We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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