all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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