Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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