apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
