What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
