Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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