Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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