hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
