I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
the liver wants what the liver wants
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
