im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
