Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
grandma shit on top of the toilet
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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