i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
