Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
