get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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