They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
