This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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