umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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