i don't like sucking hair
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
