Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
