My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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