Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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