Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
