Your mouth is God's brothel.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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