i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
