office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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