in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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