I want to make a zoo with you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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