If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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