Whod you bang
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
