I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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