Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
