false alarm. still invincible.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They have beer where we have blood.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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