I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
