I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
