You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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